Tag: tarot diary
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The tarot diaries: ace of pentacles
My collage for the ace of pentacles 
this week’s edition of The Tarot Diaries is now available. We’re talking about the ace of pentacles, how the hand is offering you the pentacle just as Morpheus offered Neo the red pill out of the matrix, about analog practice, about cooking and the moments that make sobriety and presence worth it.
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Belief in Redemption as Strength
This project is a weekly walk with an individual tarot card. I will analyze the card. I will connect it with personal anecdotes. I will make art that is representative of the card, at least to me. I will try to embody the spirit of the card (or allow its’ spirit to embody me). I will look at the days of that week to see how the chosen card shows up in my life. It will be a practice of getting to know myself, becoming more intimate with the tarot, and coming back into my life. Tune in for status reports daily-ish here, or get the full week’s work in a delivered newsletter on Substack at https://starmoth.substack.com/. It has become clear to me that part of this ongoing documentation process will be a podcast. I am unsure if I should do this weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly. If you have a preference (I know there’s a lot of available content out there) please let me know in the comments. As always, I appreciate your time.
One of my core values as a person who is in recovery is that every person is worthy of redemption. I spent a LONG TIME hating myself. I still struggle with this. Negative self-talk still tries to claw its way into my life. On rough days, some of its tendrils may succeed. It is important for me to remember that I am good. I am worthy of love. I am worthy of redemption.
And who am I? I am a person who has made mistakes. I have failed, and hurt people, and have regrets. I have believed things with my whole chest before grace was granted in the form of someone teaching me a different way.
I have learned through recovery that life does not exist within a binary. Most of my life I saw the world this way. My brain didn’t develop the emotional capacity to see the world in shades of grey. This is why self-work is so important. This is why observing our life, and reflection, are so important.
As I near the end of my first week of this project where I have walked with the Strength Card, I come back to this core value. It is not my place to tell others how to feel. It is not my place to police the world. It is my place to ensure I show up aligned with my values. It is understanding that I come from a place of knowing it’s not my place to pass judgement on anyone. It is sitting with the discomfort of disagreeing with people closest to me. It is keeping my eyes open to what is happening in the world. My responsibility is to not check out.
Another habit I am observing within myself is the way I squirm and shrink to try and avoid discomfort. At some point, my brain had it in my head that pain and discomfort would be avoided at all costs. That is not life. That is not existence. Resistance to what is happening has brought me a lot of pain and suffering. I open my hands and let it go. I soften in the face of a harsh world. I offer love to those who may spit (or let’s face it, type) hate.
I breathe in to the space of my body. I travel between the cells of my being. I remember that I am an animal. I remember that searching for belonging is in my nature. I hold space for all the uncomfortable things I am bound to face. I surrender to the moment. I think there is strength in that.
Journal Prompts:
- When you look at the strength card, what comes up for you? Does the imagery or word bring forth any sensations or emotions? Observe, record, then dig in. Do you know why that came up? Can you think of a life event or story that perhaps your subconscious connected this card to?
- Think of your life this past week. What is an unexpected way that strength showed up for you? Is there a symbol or animal or spirit friend you were surprised by?
- What are your thoughts, beliefs and feelings about redemption? Do you believe that it relates to strength? What is your relationship to it? Is there a personal experience molding your ideas to redemption, or the fact that we are all worthy of love? Observe what shows up within your body. Make space for that. Write about it. Tell yourself that you love you. Spend time with a friend, if you are able.
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This project is a weekly walk with an individual tarot card. I will analyze the card. I will connect it with personal anecdotes. I will make art that represents the card. I will try to embody the spirit of the card (or allow its’ spirit to embody me). I will look at the days of that week to see how the chosen card shows up in my day to day life. It will be a practice of getting to know myself, getting reacquainted with the tarot, and coming back into my life. Tune in for status reports daily-ish, or get the full week’s work in a delivered newsletter.
This weeks card is strength This morning I pulled the tarot card strength, which is card 8 of the major arcana. At first glance, I see the figure attempt to open the lion’s mouth. This is done in a tender way, but also forceful. It makes me think of walking my dog. She is constantly trying to eat things I don’t know that she should eat. I am consistently trying to open her mouth to spit out a bug or a plant I haven’t identified, or a piece of garbage left on the street.
Ultimately, this practice of walking our dog, who we got a year and a half ago, has been the natural force to get my feet moving and my eyes open. Admittedly, I am still on my phone more than I would like, sometimes while walking her. Even if I tuck the phone away, I still struggle when I think of walking without music or an audiobook or podcast. But, since about midsummer, this has changed.
Walking has turned into a meditation. It’s an act of presence. I have paid more attention to my surroundings. I have paid more attention to nature. I have learned a lot about my environment. I have met more people. I have written poems. I have gotten downloads for creative project ideas. I have felt…in flow.
This comes back to strength because it brings me back to myself. Much like the infinity symbol above the person’s head in the card, I am reminded of forever returning. The daily minutiae used to be the bane of my existence…now it is an act of worship. I still struggle to pick up a dishcloth everyday. Laundry remains in the washer too long. But I am gentler. I am a buoy that gently rocks back and forth, back and forth. I may stray from the practices that help to keep me aligned with my body, my values, my soul…but I find my way back, each time a little bit quicker.
It also makes me think of the forever-ness of living this creative life. What does it look like to start a project, to walk away without berating yourself or feeling like a failure, only to return when the time is right? There is often artwork I share because the art of sharing is an instant gratification I LOVE. I make things, and immediately want to show them to every person I know. This includes you, dear internet friend. I want to show you too. Strength is holding some projects back, tenderly, forcefully. It is knowing that some things require incubation. Not everything must be birthed immediately.
I am learning this in my art practice. I will often tune in with a medium, work in it, and end up unfinished and unsatisfied with the end result. BUT…but…but, when I let it simmer. When I let the magic bake into it completely and then return to it? Usually it takes new shape, and ends up as something whole. I’m thinking this is what will be required of me as I continue writing. Some things are perfect for that immediate satisfaction. There are other projects, the big, scary projects I have been avoiding because of “insert favorite excuse here” that require patience.
I think strength and patience are perhaps sisters. Or at least cousins.
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