Tag: Rider Waite smith
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The tarot diaries: ace of pentacles
My collage for the ace of pentacles 
this week’s edition of The Tarot Diaries is now available. We’re talking about the ace of pentacles, how the hand is offering you the pentacle just as Morpheus offered Neo the red pill out of the matrix, about analog practice, about cooking and the moments that make sobriety and presence worth it.
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The Tarot Diaries: Queen of Wands
I drew this card on the evening of the 28th, having wrapped up my week with the four of wands. I did so after my daily prayer practice. It felt good to pull the Queen of Wands. I love her creative, life-giving energy. Then I went to bed.
During morning pages on Monday I didn’t think much of it but I did decide to do a collage to get the juices flowing. This is the collage that resulted after my own knowledge of the Queen of Wands as well as just vibing with the card.
Queen of Wands, collage on index card, completed 9/29/25 I was incredibly proud of this piece. I am trying to push the bounds of my collage practice. I am trying to include new subjects and shapes, patterns and colors. The sunflower was cut out of a copy of How to Know the Wild Flowers. This was done on a co-working live, and it took immense concentration. But, again…I think one of the main takeaways for me on my creative journey this year has been that sitting with discomfort is a part of it. That’s where this TikTok came from. I filmed a beautiful monarch butterfly outside in the backyard. I was baking in the heat (it’s still in the 80s in the Midwest) because the dog wanted to peruse the whole property…or so it seemed. She was doing dog things, I was observing our (still) blooming zinnia patch when I turned to find this gorgeous creature just chilling on our hedgerow. The thing is, I wouldn’t have seen her, been captivated by her beauty, or thought to record her (I’m keeping that part in a little box labeled LOOK AT THIS LATER WHEN THE WORLD IS LESS WILD). My grumpy, sweaty, tired self would’ve been obliviously inside, comfortable.
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTM6fUvD8/
So the Queen of Wands embraces life. She is open and excited about creative potential. She moves in action towards that which she desires. I can certainly see this in myself, especially in this moment. With both kids at school during the day and hours to myself to work on what I’ve set aside…it seems as though creative flourishing is in season, at least for now.
Then I was blocked for two days.
Fortunately, this isn’t like an actual creative block and more like the real world circumstances and other creative commitments we make (that I’m all of a sudden holding to, thank you The Artist’s Way) that stand in the way by means of taking time. Ultimately, I can see…especially in my circumstances as a bipolar person, with ADHD, who is a recovering addict…that external intervention that pulls me back to the day to day minutiae is a good thing. I get very blustery at the time.
Didn’t the universe know I was JUST STARTING this project on the tarot and being so busy otherwise was going to make follow through too difficult.
Julia Cameron, in The Artist’s Way, talks about walking in trust with our creator. You can refer to this Great Mystery as god, the universe, source, whatever. I’m starting to realize that while I don’t have the habitual organization of what we might think of as a type a person, I do have issues with control. I want to control…everything.
How can one who wishes to subvert control over as much as they can in their life possibly sit in vulnerable openness to god? How could one singular being possibly know the path more than the being that is everything? Why do I feel the need to constantly push and push and push.
I’ve listened to the audiobook of Seventy-Eight Degrees of Wisdom from the late Rachel Pollack once. I recently bought a physical copy because, as I stated at the beginning of the project, I want to develop a more intimate relationship with the cards. I am reading through Pollack’s interpretations and wisdom of each card as one piece to this puzzle. This is the first card where I had to do it before writing my initial thoughts essay.
When I used to do readings for other people I did not read reversals. It was too overwhelming. I was getting too caught up in technicalities so I let that go. As I refer to Pollack’s book, I can see that I easily got upright understanding of this card down, at least surface level. It’s when I looked to the reversed meanings that are shared that it seems like maybe this is why I am with this card at this time. Pollack says about the Queen of Wands Reversed:
“We can see her as the kind of person who will take over the running of someone’s house when they have had a crisis and at the same time off advice, consultation, emotional support, all these things coming from a natural impulse rather than a sense of duty.
Rachel Pollack, 78 Degrees of Wisdom: A Tarot Journey to Self-Awareness, pgs. 166-167
At the same time this good nature demands that life respond in a positive way. Too much disaster or too much opposition from life (and the weakness of such a person can be a tendency to think of life as ‘unfair’), and a nasty streak can emerge. She can become deceitful, jealous, unfaithful, or somewhat bitter.”If that doesn’t sound like me, I don’t know what does. It’s not really in reference to anyone else’s house, but my own. Despite the idea that I am a stay-at-home mom, I find myself running on fumes without clear time for rest or creativity. There are even moments in the car where I will pray out loud to god while talking about how unfair life is, not to sound ungrateful, but there’s so much to do and I can’t possibly manage all of this and I just want to be at home making art.
I tear down all of my own boundaries and walls, then get mad when no one else helps me to adhere to them. I know that I thrive when I have time to create early in the morning, however I stay up later and later due either to time blindness, tiredness or unwillingness to stop what I’m working on. This isn’t just a self-regulation problem either. Part of The Artist’s Way that has been difficult has been managing the artist date, playful time doing something fun on my own, with my responsibilities and the guilt that comes up doing this.
The Queen of Wands is inspiring me to think of how I can build more creativity into my mundane activities. She also invites me to play with the idea of time and structure. How can I have the routine that makes my ADHD happy while also providing the flexibility that my Inner Artist needs to follow her whims? AND how does all of this interact with my desire and goal to have a healthier relationship with discipline? My mind will continue to ponder as I meditate on the Queen of Wands and attempt to stay open and receptive for any insight.
Journal Prompts:
What is your relationship to discomfort? Can you sit with it? Can you befriend it as you work towards a goal, perhaps one that is more abstract and long term?
What is your relationship to discipline? How does is aide your creative work? Is it friend or foe? Do you avoid it all together? Try drawing a character, something that embodies discipline, that will make it easier for you to interact with. What does a conversation with them look like? How does it go? What do they expect from you in order to make your relationship work?
What is your daily routine? How does creativity play a role? Do you schedule time, or find little moments? Do you feel like any part of your routine isn’t in balance?
How are you standing up for yourself and your creative time?
This is my little discipline friend (well, acquaintance for now). My idea behind it is if we all have this creative Inner Flame burning, then discipline is one of the key players to keep that Flame burning. The idea behind the prompt isn’t to draw some artistic genius rendering of Discipline as a character to ooooh and ahhhh over. The idea for what you create to help you visualize conversing with discipline if you have, perhaps, not been able to stay in a positive relationship with them OR are trying to figure out how they fit into your creative life so you’re both happy. Shop my Bookshop: https://bookshop.org/shop/starmothpress
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The Tarot Diaries: Three of Cups
I’m not going to lie, when I pulled the three of cups it felt like a slap in the face. ESPECIALLY because I just finished week 3 of The Artist’s Way and struggled with this week. Ya’ll, I don’t have a lot of friends. Like IRL, call at the drop of a hat type friends. The card shows friends celebrating together. And I haven’t cheers like the people in the image since I was still chugging beers and taking shots of Everclear.
In week 3 of the Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron talks about Reclaiming Your Power, and one of the tasks was reaching out to a friend who makes you feel amazing and is fun to be around. It’s not that I don’t have friends like that — many don’t live near by and we’re all so busy that a random call like that may cause alarm.
Since getting sober, I’ve kept my circle small. Celebrations are often with me, my husband and the kids. Sometimes we invite extended family along for certain things (such as the kids birthdays). I receive support in spirit from folks. Family is sparse and everyone is busy with their own lives. My creative work, which is usually my main focus outside of running the house, is just…not a priority.
This card makes me realize that perhaps people don’t take it seriously because I don’t. And that hurts. I’ve sort of stumbled my way along the path to where I am now. It seems I am collecting all of my breadcrumbs and trying to put together a career. And…well, I’m a bit embarrassed about it.
And I don’t know why. But I like to envision myself in this card.
Or perhaps gathered at a table, surrounded by good friends. We hold space for our happy moments, and hold each other during moments that leave us wrung out, distraught. Children run freely through the home, all playing together…talking about whose house to stay the night at this week where they can build forts and tell ghost stories. And we can all trust that our loved ones are cared for together because we are kin. It’s a place I have in my mind, with people who’s faces I can’t quite see…and I don’t quite know how to cross the chasm and find myself building relationships with people again.
So, I did the other exercises for Week 3, and will move on to Week 4 (video incoming, looking for the time/space to film). I will spend a week walking with the three of cups and learning to be more open. I did go to the gym for the first time in years today. My whole body was hesitant, but it feels vital to start caring for my body. That is a relationship that deserves to be tended as well.
While meditating on this card today, I finished a painting. It’s quite the colorful watercolor painting, and sort of an abstract floral. It felt good to fall into flow with water and pigment and just move.
Fun story, when you scan in work with neon watercolor — the color is all wonky. Look at the difference.
The flower feels reminiscent of the card, a collection of color and particles all coming together. The flower pushes out of the seed and up through the earth, searching for sunlight. It is held by all of the little pieces of the puzzle that fall into place before, during, after. This makes me think of those we may rely on. Nature as community, celebrating each other through the act of life, death, rebirth. Another representation of the three chalices held by three people.
For now, I will walk with this card and attempt to keep my heart open. I will use my headphones less. I will try to make small talk more. And I will always remember that we all start somewhere…right?
Starmoth Press 