Starmoth Press

a diary of words, paper and other ephemeral things

Tag: creative practice

  • A collage to try and help this slow burn headache

    “Float” collage on vintage postcard

  • Morning collage

    “Singularity” collage on index card

    Not the only thing created today but I’m working BTS on The Tarot Diaries and submission pieces.

  • The Tarot Diaries: four of wands

    Sunday, September 28, 2025

    I’m happy to report my birthday was an ordinary day. The whole week was jam packed with different activities that kept me rather busy. I felt myself reaching for my phone a lot. When I get busy with daily minutiae, my body longs to escape. I want pretty pictures and art to aspire to. I want inspirational quotes and photos of other people’s highlight reel.

    When I look at the four of wands this morning, I see the gate of the four staffs as a threshold. I see the celebration invites us into presence. It reminds us that the moment, the here and now of it, is the true threshold we are constantly standing at. If we decide to stay engage, if we push back against the impulse to pick up our phone and escape, if we decide to reclaim our attention, it is a threshold we can walk through again and again.

    Daily rituals are good anchor points throughout the day for this. My altar practice, where I clean two cups to refill with water offerings, where I read my artist’s prayer, where I read from my daily readers, and I remind myself that everything is sacred…this is a pivotal anchor for me.

    As some may know, I am currently working through The Artist’s Way, closing out week 5. Morning pages are also a daily ritual. Making coffee is a morning ritual. Making my nightly tea before I sit down in the evening is a ritual. All of these things pull me back. Filling the kettle. Preparing the coffee grounds, or the tea bags. Filling the cup with steaming water. Adding the honey, the coconut milk, stirring. If I can be there, in my mind, in that moment….I have crossed the threshold to presence and am reminded that this, too, is something to celebrate.

    A collage done on an index card. It includes an image transfer of a woman’s back shoulders and head, she wears an ornate pearl necklace. Beneath this, two images stand out: colorful flowers behind a black and white circle, and a black and white anchor. There is red thread stitching throughout the piece, mostly in rows of four. This collage was done meditating on the four of wands. 

    Collage and stitching are two methods that help me to re-enter my body. This was made on Saturday after my morning pages. I found the process to be very therapeutic. I kept the four of wands card upright on my desk, following my desires intuitively for how I wanted this to turn out. Another collage I did Tuesday while meditating on the card is below.

    This is a collage done on an index card. There are markings on the card, which show through the vaguely see-through image transfer on the bottom. The image is of two geese (honestly a guess) which to me symbolize the two celebrating within the card. The top portion of the collage is divided into sections, primarily black and white…except a portion between which has four vertical lines in red and outlined in black. This piece was done while meditating on the four of wands. 

    This piece, which I technically completed first, was done right after my first entry on this card on Tuesday. I can feel the undertone of anxiety when looking at it, but it also gives me little sparks of hope. Perhaps that is the whole point. Our practices bring us back to presence and help us feel a sense of hope again. Hope is a feeling we all should strive for during these times.

    In honor of reclaiming my attention, I am trying to spend less time scrolling social media (especially while outside) or even listening to audiobooks or podcasts. It is difficult for me to admit that sometimes these distractions help me to complete tasks I have always felt resistance to.

    Being outside is often an invitation to observe for me. Observation has taught me so much over the last few years living in the country. I believe this is a blue jay feather, a bird that has come to have some spiritual significance to me. I left it on the ground, as that’s where it decided to land, but did snap a photo. I was standing on the steps of our patio while the dog walked through the backyard, and I looked down for this little gift…a wink from god, the universe, happenstance, whatever. It made me smile. Gratitude swelled in my chest. That is easily a reason to celebrate.

    So, I try to find balance. I see balance in the four of wands as well. We can make space for practice but also acknowledge that sometimes, at the end of a hard day, listening to a podcast while doing the dishes may be warranted. I want to think less in the way of all or nothing. I’d prefer to remember that everyday is a spectrum of our experience. Yes, we can choose our attitude and approach to life, but also circumstances can and do SUCK sometimes. Repressing the emotions that come up in these instances is not helpful. It will inspire our nervous systems to shut down, or distance themselves from the situation.

    No, we can give ourself grace. We can ask for grace from god (insert whatever higher being or spiritual belief you have here — I believe all are valid). We can celebrate how far we’ve come when we allow ourselves to wallow in self-pity, then we stand up, dust ourselves off, and move on to the next thing.

    There is always a next thing, another moment, a new threshold. It builds itself as we step forward. We can choose our perspective in these moments. It can be pessimistic, realistic, it can be the perspective that whatever waits on the other side is worth celebrating simply because that moment is there. And that is a miracle.

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  • My birthday collage

  • I always feel better after collage

    Float back on the wind
    Into the western sky.

  • The Tarot Diaries: The Four of Wands

    The four of wands is a quintessential happy card. I pulled it on the wrong week. It’s my birthday tomorrow. I can’t help but see the people, happy, celebratory, heading off to some stable future they seem to feel very certain of. The past couple of days I have been a ball of anxiety, specifically today.

    A card lays on an altar. It’s yellow, with four large staffs in the foreground. They are decorated with greenery. There are two people dressed up and look to be celebrating in the middle ground. In the background is a castle, and people heading in that direction.

    My life is probably the most stable it’s ever been…but on my birthday, I feel the tug of lack. This is a very silly thing, as I have more than I ever thought possible. I am very grateful for my life…my family, the kids, our health, our home, our pup. 2013 Rikki could have never visualized anything, especially a way into this beautiful life.

    My birthday was a time of celebration. The people in the card are celebrating. It used to be an excuse for me to throw a party (I rarely needed an excuse, but still). Birthdays as an adult in recovery with two small children are…ordinary.

    There is beauty in ordinary. There is still a yearning there…to be known…to be seen. To be truly seen by our fellow humans is surely worth celebrating.

    Inevitably, I end up getting rather grumpy as we get closer to the day (i.e. me yesterday and today), and end up crying at some point because I feel let down. I don’t feel the glamor and excitement I used to around this day.

    This is not a bad thing. First off, the kind of partying I was doing was hardly glamorous. The excitement was simply anticipation for my next drink. My logical brain knows this. Second off, we grow as humans and priorities change.

    My birthday was one of those times I rarely had to explain my voracious drinking. I usually had to coax others to partake. My birthday gave me the confidence to demand people notice me, spend time with me, drink with me.

    I am richer in my life, now. I have two little humans who love every moment we spend together (for the most part, at least for now). I have a partner I am so grateful to…the understanding and love there gives me the ability to stand my ground.

    When I see the four wands in the card now, I think of home. I think of the balance that enables us to build our lives confidently. I think of my creativity, that has granted me mental bandwidth and better self-esteem. I think of my body, a long-neglected vessel that I am trying to tend to with more love and care. I think of my family, truly my everything. They are threaded through my being and my everyday in a visceral way I can hardly describe. I am so so lucky, even when I am too stubborn to see it. I think of my spiritual practice, which has led me to know witchcraft, and Catholicism, contemplative Christianity, Zen Buddhism, animism, and ultimately, that everything is god.

    Perhaps the people in the card are celebrating not a new adventure or abundance recently won. Perhaps they are sharing praise for the beautiful lives they’ve already co-created with the universe. Perhaps the invitation is to see all that’s there.

    • What helps to hold you up?
    • When you are having a day where you are feeling too reactive or overwhelmed, what is one practice that could help you zoom out and see everything as it is?
    • What do you feel needs celebrating in this moment? It can be any thing, big or small. Who are you celebrating this with?
    • In the card there is a castle indicating some type of future. What does that look like for you? What is the future you would find worth celebrating? What goodness are you wanting to call in for you, for your loved ones, for the collective?

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  • The Artist’s Way

    The Artist’s Way Week 4 check-in

  • I made art

    I couldn’t decide which one I liked better but I do think it’d make a good sticker design
    My truth is that tomorrow’s my birthday which makes me both happy and sad.

  • Contemplative Comics: The Rot

    A woman sits on a couch scrolling on her phone. She thinks to herself wow, I could totally do that if I just had the time.
    Two Hours Later
    A woman still sits on a couch scrolling on her phone. She thinks to herself wow, I could totally do that if I just had the time. Her eyes show just how much damage the screen is doing to her.

  • The Tarot Diaries: The Three of Cups

    When I entered the tiny washroom, I could still feel the bass thrumming in my veins. Dance music played outside. I escaped here, if just for a moment, to collect myself after another shot of Jack. Who knows how many shots at this point? My stomach turned, and I took a breath.

    These quiet moments in the small bathroom, the only one in this bar, allowed my mind to run away from the liquor-fueled avoidance. I drank to penetrate the veil. It was though I wore a gauze shroud my entire life, every person out of focus. I was unable to touch, unable to connect, unable to truly be seen by anyone. The alcohol allowed me to pulled the shroud off of my body. I was able to be loud, and messy, and seen, and I kept telling myself “this is the closest to the true me I will ever be able to come.”

    Of course, this was self-delusion. The hazy cloth that usually kept me separate from all of the people I came across in life now simply took the form of a glass wall. I look in the mirror, but I don’t see myself. I don’t recognize the girl, the person, the woman, standing there. She looks vacant in dirty little room. The light flickers and causes her skin to look sickly. I stand there staring in the mirror, not really seeing, not really recognizing the person who stood there looking back. It was time to re-enter the fray. It was time to go back into the sort-of club in the small town I swore I was going to leave to dance and drink with people I had convinced myself I had connected with.

    I think deep down, I knew that I had severed all connection…most importantly, the connection to myself.

    This flashback paints a little bit of a picture of the longing that fueled my depression and binge drinking during most of my 20s. Ya’ll, I sat down to write about the three of cups so many times yesterday. But the chalices in the image just keep tripping me up. What is the cheers for? What’s inside those vessels they are about to bring to their lips? Is it fuel for the fire, or cleansing water to truly see?

    My initial thoughts on this card from Monday were that community was the essence, and something vitally missing from my life. It almost made me nostalgic from the days of drinking. But as one might be able to tell from the flashback above, being surrounded by people doesn’t mean you don’t feel alone. In fact, there are times it’s more isolating. It’s easy to turn blame inward. You have to be the problem, right?

    A collage made with vintage materials found during my artist dates recently. Also used one of my image transfers I tried the first week of The Artist’s Way program. Note to self: do more of these.

    I don’t remember the exact moment I decided to start chipping away pieces of myself to try and fit into the ideas I believe society has for me. I don’t think there was a solid moment where I began to shove my true self underwater in order to step forward and fit in.

    But I do know my sobriety date. December 11, 2017. The day I decided to allow myself to break the surface of the water, to re-emerge to the world, to start breathing again. I don’t know…that feels like something worth celebrating.

    And every single day since has been a lesson in remembering that I can continue to get to know myself. I can continue to change and evolve and grow. In the hopes of making more friends and becoming a friend to my body, we decided to join a gym this week. This is typically not a good move for me. It means wasting money and taking on the guilt of never showing up for my health.

    So far it has gone well. There is a spot for the kids to hang out with other kids and play. I get to chill on the stationary bike and crochet. The husband gets to lift or do whatever he chooses. We break apart into our own little worlds, then come back together in our home. Family is also a community. Sometimes this is what can give us the strength to allow our world to expand.

    I often share that my husband and kids saved my life. I think this is true. I knew for a long time I had to stop drinking, but honestly didn’t see my own life as worthy of being saved. But I could show up for those I love. I did this long enough, and worked on my own healing long enough, that now I do see that getting sober just for myself is worthy. I am worth re-building a life for. I am worth pursuing a creative career that lights me up. I am worth showing up to the gym for to take care of a body long abused and neglected.

    All of this disparate parts make up my ever-shifting and multifaceted community. I celebrate with all of them. My family, my body, my mental health, my creativity, my IRL friends, my online friends, the plants and animals and insects I encounter everyday in this tiny little world I get to walk through.

    How lucky to live this life. How lucky to have survived. How lucky to have learned to love…not only others, but myself. Today, I celebrate that.