Tag: art
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Reclaim your attention
My attention during my morning walk went to large butteries and daydreaming of coffee because tired. 😴 Reclaim your attention -
Belief in Redemption as Strength
This project is a weekly walk with an individual tarot card. I will analyze the card. I will connect it with personal anecdotes. I will make art that is representative of the card, at least to me. I will try to embody the spirit of the card (or allow its’ spirit to embody me). I will look at the days of that week to see how the chosen card shows up in my life. It will be a practice of getting to know myself, becoming more intimate with the tarot, and coming back into my life. Tune in for status reports daily-ish here, or get the full week’s work in a delivered newsletter on Substack at https://starmoth.substack.com/. It has become clear to me that part of this ongoing documentation process will be a podcast. I am unsure if I should do this weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly. If you have a preference (I know there’s a lot of available content out there) please let me know in the comments. As always, I appreciate your time.
One of my core values as a person who is in recovery is that every person is worthy of redemption. I spent a LONG TIME hating myself. I still struggle with this. Negative self-talk still tries to claw its way into my life. On rough days, some of its tendrils may succeed. It is important for me to remember that I am good. I am worthy of love. I am worthy of redemption.
And who am I? I am a person who has made mistakes. I have failed, and hurt people, and have regrets. I have believed things with my whole chest before grace was granted in the form of someone teaching me a different way.
I have learned through recovery that life does not exist within a binary. Most of my life I saw the world this way. My brain didn’t develop the emotional capacity to see the world in shades of grey. This is why self-work is so important. This is why observing our life, and reflection, are so important.
As I near the end of my first week of this project where I have walked with the Strength Card, I come back to this core value. It is not my place to tell others how to feel. It is not my place to police the world. It is my place to ensure I show up aligned with my values. It is understanding that I come from a place of knowing it’s not my place to pass judgement on anyone. It is sitting with the discomfort of disagreeing with people closest to me. It is keeping my eyes open to what is happening in the world. My responsibility is to not check out.
Another habit I am observing within myself is the way I squirm and shrink to try and avoid discomfort. At some point, my brain had it in my head that pain and discomfort would be avoided at all costs. That is not life. That is not existence. Resistance to what is happening has brought me a lot of pain and suffering. I open my hands and let it go. I soften in the face of a harsh world. I offer love to those who may spit (or let’s face it, type) hate.
I breathe in to the space of my body. I travel between the cells of my being. I remember that I am an animal. I remember that searching for belonging is in my nature. I hold space for all the uncomfortable things I am bound to face. I surrender to the moment. I think there is strength in that.
Journal Prompts:
- When you look at the strength card, what comes up for you? Does the imagery or word bring forth any sensations or emotions? Observe, record, then dig in. Do you know why that came up? Can you think of a life event or story that perhaps your subconscious connected this card to?
- Think of your life this past week. What is an unexpected way that strength showed up for you? Is there a symbol or animal or spirit friend you were surprised by?
- What are your thoughts, beliefs and feelings about redemption? Do you believe that it relates to strength? What is your relationship to it? Is there a personal experience molding your ideas to redemption, or the fact that we are all worthy of love? Observe what shows up within your body. Make space for that. Write about it. Tell yourself that you love you. Spend time with a friend, if you are able.
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I’ve been making this with my hands
Which feels good because words fall flat.
A cute lil neon punk ghostie -
Meditating on the Strength Card: the Great Blue Heron
Yesterday I almost hit a great blue heron on the way to soccer practice (yes, fully a soccer mom). We were driving on the backroads, tall cornfields on both sides. It was a route we didn’t take usually, GPS just decided this was the way to go. It was a bit more hilly than I was used to. Anyways, the music is playing, kids are singing, we go over a hill and there’s a great blue heron just STANDING IN THE ROAD. I was shook. We were going about 57 mph, and I eased the car to a stop without slamming on the breaks…I was doing my best to protect us and the bird.
Upon us getting closer to the bird, it slowly spread its’ wings and began to lift off of the ground. At this point, we fully stopped…luckily these aren’t busy roads. The long legs of the heron trailed behind, almost grazing the windshield of my car.
I was, and still am, amazed.
The heron is not the lion, as pictured in the Strength card. The heron exhibits a different kind of strength. This draws back to my last entry, where I said I think strength and patience are perhaps sisters. Or at least cousins. The Strength of this creature isn’t as upfront, in-your-face…but it’s there.
The great blue heron stands still in water, its long legs granting it the ability to do so, and watches for fish. When you think of the heron, this might be the image that comes to mind. A hunter that stands…still, patient, alone…waiting for the perfect moment.
There is a strength in how the great blue heron lives in the world. They come together for breeding season, and often nest in colonies. They provide care for young nestlings together. Once this vital part of their life cycle is done for the year, they often head out alone.
This feels oddly similar to where I find myself at the moment. Both of my children off to a full day of school Monday through Friday. I spent a long time waiting for this moment (yes, not afraid to admit that a full day of me-time was, and is, tempting). That said, it feels as though I am wading into new territory. I often found myself limited by time and resources.
Now I get to find the perfect moments throughout my day for creation, for making, for sharing. I am leaving the colony of nests to survive on my own for a while (not literally, as I am quite happily married and the kids are still home everyday). With patience, ease and hopefully grace I can slowly make my way across this threshold of change. I can gently tend to what needs attention. I can put down my phone and pick up the paintbrush. I can work on the projects that seemed too daunting. I can do all of these things, and know that there is always an imminent return home. There is exhilarating fear and excitement in this…and there is Strength in getting still, just like the great blue heron, to listen for what’s coming.
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I finished a sweater and update on the artists way (week two)
freehand crochet sweater done, using lots of yarn from the first fiber festival I went to earlier this year 💚 my creativity takes many forms. 🦋
I am on week 2 of the artist’s way, where I saw more struggle and reward. -
Writing hymns to autumn
And looking for the signs
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Little journal
Here is what’s going on in my insert for everyday tiny miracles hosted by Liz Lamoreux and Kelly Barton. Originally this was my insert for noticing on my daily walks, but we know how plans for notebooks go. This is a soft space I’m feeling very happy in at the moment. -
we are doing things outside of our comfort zone
Art started this morning after my morning pages live; then finished this afternoon once the bottom layers dried. 
A page from my new journal 
I finished this painting, first canvas done in a long time An update on my current journaling and sketchbook setup! I’m doing my morning pages Monday through Fridays (at least) around 5:15am CST on TikTok live; you can join me there and work along if you like!
Starmoth Press 