This is my dream job. Writing and sharing my creative processes. The writing is it, mostly. But I do think I’d love to add some teaching in there.
The issue is, with the teaching, it’s hard to say that I ever feel qualified to do it because I’m doing what most of us are doing: winging it. I believe I have something to offer, a genuine insight. But I also think that showing up for the writing first and foremost could help me figure that out. Or perhaps share what it is I feel I need to say.
College is a touchy subject for me because it was a struggle. So, I won’t go into ALL of the colleges I’ve attended.
Most of my education was done at Northern Illinois University. I ended up graduating from Easten Illinois University. It took me almost 13 years to complete college. I think I went to six different schools in that time.
Education is different for everyone. Had I a chance to do things over, I would not have gone away to college. I would have researched more and gone through my other options.
But it’s not helpful to dwell on the past.
A mixed media journal spread. Surprisingly, I never went to school for writing or art. Other than briefly attempting a class in graphic design, I ended up graduating in general studies.
Do you play in your daily life? What says “playtime” to you?
Collage pages in my travelers notebook
My inner critic has not been kind to my abstract collage practice. Especially as I move through it quickly, and the pages become sparse to invite tension between the elements.
The simple layers and the shapes they make intrigue me. Lately the white space has been playing with me, inviting me to use less material for more dramatic effect. I can imagine stories of each one. They are simple, yet intricate and profound. I could fill books and books with pages like these.
My Royal Talens sketchbook has become a catch all for my art journaling.
I was inspired to work with my inner child today. Little Rikki and I flipped through a little Barbie booklet I picked ip the other day — I finally watched the Barbie movie. And it reminded me how much I loved the color pink.
It was combined with my love of ballet and dance. I practiced free dance for the first time this last week. Due to chronic body pain, I have struggled to do move my body, let alone feel confident in moving freely. The past three months I have been focused solely on a gentle yoga practice to help facilitate easier days in my body and to free dance.
Then my grandma gifted me a statue I remember from when I used to stay at her house as a child. It’s a dark metal statue of a ballerina, tutu and all. It’s helped me to address the fact that there are some things I never let myself dive too far into. I quit gymnastics and dance as a kid due to horrible migraines, and by the time I was older, activities such as dance team were far too expensive.
The next time I remember dancing is late nights out dancing. Not fond memories for a recovering alcoholic, though not all bad. Not the type of free dance I’m going for though.
Anyways, all of this culminated on the page, and adding free dance to my habit tracker…although it is one I will be a lot more patient with. It has taken me a long time to get to this point. I don’t want to force it. No freedom in that, either.
News!
I am teaching for Art for a Spell, the new art witch community created by Meghann and the Moon. If you’re interested in this membership, consider signing up with my affiliate link: Art for a Spell
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My biggest challenge for most of my life has been my inability to stay consistent with my goals. In recent years, since getting sober, I have been able to push myself through some of the resistance. Ultimately, I didn’t see a huge transformation with it until I received my ADHD diagnosis. Everything suddenly took off.
My creative journaling practice, my writing, and finally a movement practice have all become staples in my everyday life. I am so grateful. I am working through some of the grief, anger and loss that have come with realizing I have been trying to hold myself to unrealistic standards most of my life. Growing up with undiagnosed ADHD didn’t look difficult on the surface (I was labeled a gifted kid) but it was exhausting, and all fell apart once I went to college and no longer had the stability I grew up with.
It is hard to acknowledge that had I known this about myself, so much could have been different. Perhaps I wouldn’t have signed over years of my life to alcoholism. Perhaps I wouldn’t have flunked out of college. Maybe I would have cared for my body as the sacred vessel that it is.
I am sitting with these complex feelings, and often process them as I sit with my art journal, because I know that I must feel them, and let them go. It is not helpful to hang on to this longing for times past. All I can do is manage my life as it is happening right now. And right now, I am pretty proud of how far I have come.
My zine Sacred Paper is available in my Etsy shop now. It’s $18 for the physical copy (shipping included), which you can buy here or $6 for a digital copy. DM on Instagram to set up a trade.
Starmoth Press 